You know we just moved into a new house, right? Well, so something’s-- wait, I can sense that you’re giving me an “I won’t respond to that” faceright now.Ok, so it’s been 15 months since we moved, but I have a hard time withchange, you know, and I’ve been mentally dealing with this effing teenagerwho has turned out to be someone I don’t even know, plus our youngest, whois the ebola monkey, and is constantly sick, and I can’t possibly beexpected to keep up with getting this house set up and being a mom to twoeffed up children* and keep up with my chores so that Mark doesn’t have todip into his reserve underwear, plus write to you once a week, as well aswrite a book, and stay groomed, for the love of God, and I am doing my bestover here.I just want to sip lattes and browse fall outfits for my Bitmoji - it’s notlike I’m asking for a kidney.
Did you know I used to be a teacher? I taught 8th graders and I lovedbeing in the classroom so much! I got out of teaching when I was onmaternity leave with my youngest son. I was in denial most of my pregnancywith him about having to leave him at daycare after maternity leave wasover, so I put off the daycare search until the last minute.You can’t do that. By the time I got my head together, all the daycares in our area had awaitlist, so I was pretty much screwed. I spent the last few weeks of my pregnancy freaking right the eff outbecause the only “daycare” with availability was one of those places yousee on the evening news, with crooked shutters and names that start with aK in klever - ahem, clever - ways. Ack!!
kristanbraziel.com | Thu, 30 Aug 2018 15:29:05 +0000
Let’s talk about perfectionism.I go insane when people say they’re perfectionists, because in most cases,they aren't using the term correctly*, which makes my left eye twitchspasmodically.There's nothing worse in life than for some skinny, young PTA mom, freshlyscrubbed and dressed up like a show pig, to harp, “Ugh, I feel like I’mjust too good at yoga.” Or, “Sheesh, I’m such a perfectionist when it comes to housekeeping. Itdrives me bananas when my sofa cushions aren’t just so.”Or, “I try to do just 50 burpees, but I can’t help myself from doing 75.I’m a perfectionist!” No, no, no. That is not what perfectionism means.
kristanbraziel.com | Sat, 25 Aug 2018 17:59:54 +0000
You saw my last post about trying to new trends, right? Well let me tellyou my thoughts on the latest diet trend: keto.A hundred years ago I worked with this lady - she was a terrible person -but that’s not what I want to talk about.She was fat.And then, suddenly… she wasn’t.Even though she was a terrible person, I was intrigued (this was back whenI thought I needed to lose weight, but I didn’t really, but that’s not whatI want to talk about.)I asked her what her secret was and she said she was in ketosis. She wasdoing the Atkins diet.I looked up everything Atkins and decided it wasn’t for me.
kristanbraziel.com | Wed, 22 Aug 2018 16:59:39 +0000
One night a couple of weeks ago I was scrolling through Facebook and a hairtutorial caught my eye because the girl doing it was just so cute, but alsoseemed somewhat relatable.She wasn’t one of those stick-skinny 20-year-olds that look super cute nomatter how busted up they are.No, this girl was a little older and a little curvier and her hairstyleended up super cute: it was just a basic bob blown out with a tiny bit ofsea salt spray and she scrunched her hair up in her hands as she dried it,so it was tousled and airy and just adorable.I did my hair the same way the next day - it was meet-the-teacher night atmy son’s school and I felt cute. My makeup was on point and my hair lookedtousled and airy and just adorable, if I do say freaking so.
kristanbraziel.com | Tue, 14 Aug 2018 18:31:27 +0000
In case you're new here, my dad and I just got back from a 10-day trip toManchester, England, to visit family and to do research for my upcomingbook and it was as amazing as I'd imagined, except for a few annoyances,the first being my cousin's daughter was due to give birth while we werethere and I was very explicit in saying that I expected to hold my new tinycousin before I left to come back home, but alas, there is still no baby asof this writing.The second annoyance was my inability to exhibit one ounce of control whenit came to meals. I ate like a velociraptor and can now only fit insundresses or waistbands with some "give."Dad and I talked about how different travel is nowadays because oftechnology - more efficient and seamless.I started to include the different apps we used in my last post, Texans InEngland By The Numbers, but once I started listing out the ones we used, Iended up with seven and decided it needed a post of its own. I didn't even include the social media apps, FaceTime, and email, but thosewere certainly big players in our daily travel, as well.Here's the technology that made for a dramatically different travelexperience than back in the day:
kristanbraziel.com | Sun, 12 Aug 2018 19:50:15 +0000
4 - Butt-puckering close calls of death by stepping off the curb whilelooking the wrong way. Everyone knows they drive on the opposite side ofthe road in England, but our muscle memory makes us look the wrongdirection, apparently. Combine that with complicated intersections in abusy city like Manchester, along with two clumsy-footed Americans, andyou’ve got yourself a dangerous touristy cocktail.0 - Air conditioned spaces. England is experiencing record-breaking heat atthe moment, and - despite the weather being gloriously cool compared to the100+ temps we’d left behind in Texas - when the buildings and homes are allclosed up tight without any air movement inside, we Americans who are usedto cold, recycled air blasting in our faces start to get panicky. And verysweaty.
In between breakfast, video games, letting dogs in and out and in and out,lunch, and watching YouTube videos, we barely have time to fit in a bunchof fun summer activities.And I'm not interested in enjoying a bunch of "fun in the sun."The sun makes me freckly.Besides, I’d rather eat soup right out of the toilet bowl of a port-a-johnthan be hot.
In honor of my 30-year high school reunion, I have some thoughts to sharewith my 18-year-old self:1. You will not always be thin, so stop saying you’re fat. Around the ageof 30 or so, you’ll be shooting your younger self a pudgy bird as you wipequeso from the corners of your mouth. Enjoy your perky, tight figure andtake it easy on the carbs. 2. Stop slathering yourself with baby oil and laying out in the sun. Infact, you have got to start wearing sunscreen. In 30 years, yourdermatologist will use you as a poster model for What Never To Do,meanwhile your twice-yearly laser therapy appointments will fund summertrips to Bali for his wife and kids, AND new boobs for his girlfriend.
We drove 45 minutes to the ice rink this morning so the 10-year-old couldget some much-needed ice time to help slow the loss of muscle tone whilehe’s in between hockey seasons.Reaallly annoying to have put in 45 minutes to get there and 30 minutes toget back home, considering his total on-ice time was MAYBE 15 minutes. It doesn’t normally take quite so long to get to the rink from our house -it’s usually just about 25 minutes, but today’s one of those days when wehit everything juuuust the wrong way, starting with catching the tail endof rush hour traffic.
A few years ago, my dad and I talked about going to England so he couldhelp me do research for the book I’m writing about him, his brother, and mygrandmother.It was one of those pipe dream things that you talk about doing, but youkinda know deep down that it won’t happen, just because life gets in theway.We put a pin in it and said, “maybe next summer….”And here we are in “next summer.”
kristanbraziel.com | Wed, 27 Jun 2018 17:13:18 +0000
Can we all just agree to disagree? I mean - the stuff on social media andin the news, OMG.Let’s just say this: negativity is alive and twerking its way around theworld and I just cannot do it.I’m a very delicate peach of a person and my brain and emotions can’thandle all the destructive stories and images.Let me get specific here:
kristanbraziel.com | Tue, 19 Jun 2018 18:44:33 +0000
We just got back from a long weekend down at the Texas coast with mybrother's family, and overall it was a great trip, but just like on allfamily vacations, I have to sometimes hide away in a bathroom and tellmyself, "we're making memories... we're making memories."Here's the thing about family vacations: they are not only memory makers,they're also memory triggers. As in, "Oh yes, I remember now why I sworeI'd never go anywhere with a teenager," or, "Oh that's right, now Iremember why you should remove sand pronto from the seat of your swimsuit."
kristanbraziel.com | Sun, 10 Jun 2018 18:02:48 +0000
When I was growing up - especially in my late teens and early 20’s - myhormonal ups and downs were enough to cause whiplash for anyone close tome.I’d be hyper and loud and laughing and “on” one minute, loving being thecenter of attention and the life of the party and making everyone laugh,and then worrying about all the things that were out of my control after Iwas alone: “Was everyone thinking I was obnoxious? Did I embarrass ______when I said _____? Was I being too loud? Did I make a fool out of myself?Did I hurt ______’s feelings by saying _____? Did I pay enough attention to____?”The worries would consume me well into the night, to the point that Icouldn’t fall asleep and I’d toss and turn for hours.
kristanbraziel.com | Wed, 30 May 2018 20:04:00 +0000
If you're signed up to get my emails, you probably saw my note about howmuch I love Apple right now because they refunded a hefty sum of iTunescharges back onto my credit card last week.Here's the story (you know there's always a story):When we were in the tippy top of a clock tower last week in Lucerne,Switzerland, I got a call from my credit card company saying there was agreat deal of unusual activity on my card.Turns out there was a flurry of iTunes charges onto that card happeningsince April 2nd.To the tune of $1,923.47.
kristanbraziel.com | Tue, 29 May 2018 15:30:48 +0000
In case you missed it, we just returned from Switzerland, where Mark wentfor a business trip and I got to jump in his suitcase and ride along.Here's a fun recap of our ridiculous trip over there. Thursday was a day of meetings for Mark, so I signed up for the historicaltour of the resort, which was flippin' amazing.First things first. Here's how you pronounce the name of the resort:byorg-in-shtock.They say it as if there's a bunch of thick, sticky taffy in their mouththat they're trying to work around when they say it.
kristanbraziel.com | Mon, 21 May 2018 15:50:39 +0000
We left for Switzerland on Tuesday, expecting to arrive on Wednesday, but -because our last name is Braziel - we had a few hiccups and didn’t make itto the resort in Lucerne until Thursday. Here’s what our travel day(s) looked like:
kristanbraziel.com | Mon, 07 May 2018 15:39:13 +0000
Ok, guys - you have exactly six days to get the mommas taken care of andshow them how appreciative you are of all the b.s. you’ve put them through.Don’t fool yourself into thinking Mom wants a new coffee mug. Unless it’sfunny, like this one.And I promise she’s not been losing sleep wondering if this is the year shegets an engraved snow globe or any jewelry etched with “World’s Best Mom.”
kristanbraziel.com | Fri, 04 May 2018 17:53:45 +0000
You know that I try to be Supermom, right? I want to bake cookies with my kids, but not just once - I want it to be athing. I want to be at all the sports games. I want to be the Room Mom (andI am), but I want to actually be good at it. I want to make choressomething that my kids feel fulfilled by doing. I want to make homeworktime fun and full of learning and reflection.I want to be that mom.I mean, really, nothing fills me up more than creating educational games tosupport what my son is learning in school. Spending an afternoon funnelingall my creative energy into making fun flashcards and word puzzles orcrafting writing prompts like my dad used to do when I was a kid fills thismomma’s heart.Hahahahahahaha, ohmygosh, that’s such bullshit.Was that the most boring thing you’ve ever read? Because I actually fellasleep typing that last paragraph.The truth is, I would rather eat a bag of human hair than use my “crafttime” to make up educational games or crafts.
You probably remember that we moved into a new house last summer, and ifyou’re going to ask how we’re doing now that we’re “all settled in,” let mestop you to say that I have a stack of wall hangings shoved in the back ofa closet that I’m still trying to gather enough emotional energy to dealwith.I’ll get to it, geez. I just have other projects that keep grabbing myattention. Like this Barn Door DIY.