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absrdcomedy.com | Fri, 25 Aug 2017 02:20:12 +0000
absrdCOMEDY - open source humor
YELLOWSTONE – Looking out at the famous Lower Falls at the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone, Lisa Smith was overwhelmed by how unimpressed she was with it all. Having only joined the group hike at the urging of her new boyfriend Todd, the 24-year-old administrative assistant already had low expectations for the excursion. But now, [...]
The post Woman Overwhelmed By How Unimpressed She Is By Spectacular View appeared first on absrdCOMEDY.
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absrdcomedy.com | Sat, 08 Jul 2017 19:27:14 +0000
absrdCOMEDY - open source humor
EUGENE, OR – Despite a 101 degree fever, chills, and a hacking cough, sales associate Chris Templeton heroically ignored all signs he should take a sick day and went to work. Huddled over his desk, he endured a persistent runny nose and the glares of his coworkers as he sniffled and snorted his way through [...]
The post Sick Employee Heroically Ignores Hacking Cough, Annoyed Coworkers appeared first on absrdCOMEDY.
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absrdcomedy.com | Fri, 09 Jun 2017 02:44:47 +0000
absrdCOMEDY - open source humor
As we keep an eye on who could possibly run against President Trump (Read: Pence) in 2020 I can’t help but think of February 3rd, 2016 the day Rand Paul dropped out of the Presidential Election leaving a massive void in our hearts where curly-headed Ophthalmologists in cowboy boots go, are we even still human [...]
The post The Next Paul. appeared first on absrdCOMEDY.
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absrdcomedy.com | Wed, 31 May 2017 10:52:54 +0000
absrdCOMEDY - open source humor
GREENWICH, CT – Arriving a few weeks ahead of schedule, a lone yellow jacket flew into Bruce Park Monday morning to stake an early claim on the best trash from where he can terrorize people all summer. “A month from now this place will be swarming with other yellow jackets all competing for the prime [...]
The post Yellow Jacket Stakes Early Claim on Best Trash Can in Park appeared first on absrdCOMEDY.
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absrdcomedy.com | Mon, 01 May 2017 16:58:27 +0000
absrdCOMEDY - open source humor
PRINCETON, NJ—Princeton University research scientists Chad Tolman and Bradley Smythe are in the intensive care ward of Princeton Medical Center following an attack by genetically altered laboratory rats in the school’s research lab. 800-lb. rodents Skippy and Willard, which had been systematically fed bovine growth hormones to determine how it would affect their resistance to [...]
The post Genetically Enhanced Laboratory Rats Turn Tables on Scientists appeared first on absrdCOMEDY.
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absrdcomedy.com | Sun, 30 Apr 2017 17:07:26 +0000
absrdCOMEDY - open source humor
Recently Nasa, among other partners, have discovered a cluster of Earth-like planets that is orbiting a star that is 40 light years away. Citizens of Earth are extremely excited at the potential idea of a seven new homes, but some view this is an opportunity or even a competition. President Trump has announced that despite [...]
The post President Trump To Move Earth In Front Of Mercury appeared first on absrdCOMEDY.
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absrdcomedy.com | Sat, 29 Apr 2017 17:02:53 +0000
absrdCOMEDY - open source humor
LAS VEGAS—Donald Trump’s hair announced today it is engaged to a large mass of seaweed from the Caspian Sea. The couple met via online dating site BulkyMisshapenObjectsMatch.com. They had been spotted together at various social functions around New York and rumors of romance have been in the air for some time. The seaweed’s citizenship status [...]
The post Donald Trump’s Hair to Wed Mass of Seaweed from Caspian Sea appeared first on absrdCOMEDY.
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absrdcomedy.com | Sat, 29 Apr 2017 16:46:31 +0000
absrdCOMEDY - open source humor
WASHINGTON D.C. – Faced with the possibility of losing their health insurance in the coming months, millions of Americans covered under Obamacare are cancelling their plans to get sick or hurt. “I was planning to flip my truck this summer and break both my legs, but that’s on hold for now,” said Joe Brighton, a [...]
The post Possible Obamacare Repeal Has Americans Cancelling Scheduled Illnesses, Accidents appeared first on absrdCOMEDY.
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absrdcomedy.com | Sat, 11 Mar 2017 10:14:49 +0000
absrdCOMEDY - open source humor
SAN DIEGO — Leaning against the wall of his cubicle pretending to listen to a coworker’s divorce story, local man Chad Peters becomes the office’s comedic hero for making “Borat” quotes funny again, sources reported Friday. “My wife,” said the junior accountant to the distraught 43-year-old who recently lost a custody battle for his two [...]
The post Local Hero Makes “Borat” Quotes Funny Again appeared first on absrdCOMEDY.
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absrdcomedy.com | Thu, 09 Mar 2017 10:12:55 +0000
absrdCOMEDY - open source humor
SPOKANE, WA — Shortly after arriving home from three consecutive shifts, nurse practitioner Stephanie Rhodes told reporters Thursday that she forced herself onto her otherwise repugnant husband upon finding a spotless kitchen with no food encrusted dishes in sight. “I was overwhelmed with lust after taking long, deep breaths of Clorox’s stinging aroma,” said Rhodes, [...]
The post Clean Kitchen Surprises Wife Into Having Sex With Husband appeared first on absrdCOMEDY.
